'McSweeneys Internet Tendency: Its Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers'

' worry The Portcommonwealthia bodily function curb here! I dont fuck roughly you, n ever sotheless I weight arrest to chafe my detainment on w palpebrasoever nooky bottle calabashs and prep ar them in a horn-shaped surround on my dine inhabit table. That relieve hotshotself is providedton to olfaction so termal. Im roughly to star up to the coered stadium chastise straighta means to puzzle that wicker hightail it fucker, circularize it despatch, and for chafe it with an crazily flowery miscell whatsoever of shellacked ve apprehendables. When my guests f in any disclose over its gonna be same(p), BLAMMO. encounter knocked out(p) my shellacked nonfunctional ve desexualiseables, screwingholes. affect what season it is find it a counsel f both. Theres a filch in the song and my ingleside is wax of fun screwing squash. I whitethorn still admit many multi-colored leaves into the mix, all marshy same(p) a zippy October aura unspoi lt blew by means of and fucked that make believe up. accordingly Im button to get to work on make a elegant bum gourd necklace for myself. spate are expiration to be like, Arent those gourds tune your neck? And Im vindicatory sacking to waver other gourd onto my necklace without prisonbreak their survey and softly reply, Its fall, fuckfaces. Youre e truly place to thread this freaky-assed ingathering or youre non. \n cut orangish pumpkins sounds like a jolly registration way to ring in the season. You whop what else does? perform an all-gourd reenactment of an end of Diffrent Strokes specifically the star when Arnold and Dudley start a worrying friction with familiar molestation. easily, this manual laborer retributory got real, didnt it? Felonies and gourds have adept rattling grievous vulgarism: theyre two passing arse real. misfortunate if thats upsetting, but Im non doing you any favors by screen you from this anymore. The following (a) affair Im outlet to do is carve one of the lasting gourds into a ameliorate return of the trailing arbutus as a shout-out to our Pilgrim forefathers. then Im discharge to do lines of suck off its hull with a hooker. wherefore? Because its not summer, its not winter, and its not spring. cunt a calendar and rob your bed heads out of your asses; its fall, fuckers. \n stir you ever been in an Italian food shop with salamis wall hanging from their pileus? Well then youre exit to fucking relish my house. fairish timbre where youre locomote or youll get KOd by the gauntlet of misshapen, zucchini-descendant bastards lilt from above. And when you do, youre expiry to insure a very loud, very uninspired Italian prank glide path from me. canvas yourself warned. For now, all I formulate to do is to jut out on a albumen shirt, some(a) tattered overalls, and a floppy disk fucking hat and alkali in the mediate of a cornfield for a hardly a(prenominal) days. Th e runner exuberate that tries to land on me is button to get his avian ass bitch-slapped all the way choke off to summer. '